Goldy Locks and the 3&2

Every now and then a monumental upset comes along; Joe Dolce/Ultravox, Berwick Rangers/Vintage Rangers, Will Young/Gareth Gates, Bill Rogers or was it Buck winner of the claret jug. But cast your mind back to the mid 70's, when our very own Douglas 'the golf punk' James was drawn against the silky scratch soon to be professional Iain Mossman in the annual Marr golf competition. Clearly Douglas was taking things seriously, or as seriously as his nature allowed, and arranged some pre match preparation with his close team (Gardner et al) with a game at Shiskine on the Isle of Arran. Whilst the scoring was unmemorable with a level round (level being 6 at every hole) it was remembered for a feat that had us clambering through the McWhirter twins latest publication. At the very first tee, after a less than Bubba warm up, the starter announced his arrival 'On the tee Douglas James'. After Dougie removed the cobwebs from the hickory shafted driver, he placed his gutta-percha, almost round ball, on his favoured yellow tee. Back the club went, slightly off line, and then as it reached the top of the swing on came the Nureyev twirl that maybe didn't produce that extra energy but was a delight to watch. As his downswing went to transition and the golden locks flowed in the wind he released the ball, followed by a Bruce Forsyth soft shoe shuffle. There was a meeting of hickory with gutta and unbelievably and to this day never repeated, the ball travelled at a 90 degree angle straight through the open window of the starter's hut. Truly memorable and to this day, the only recorded shank with a driver since golf began. Many have tried to repeat, but none have succeeded. Anyway back to the main event and at 17.07, Dougie with his hickorys held in his pencil bag and Mossman with his resplendent pro bag head for battle on the 1st of the Fullarton. Unfortunately Henry Longhurst's recollection of the actual match have long since disappeared, but hands were shaken at the 16th with Douglas James victorious after a stunning short game display. As Iain headed to pop the victory balloons in his residence that overlooked the 18th, Dougie came into the clubhouse to a guard of honour provided by Jean White and her Bentinck Ladies, junior section. No over zealous celebrations or visits to Gordon Cunningham's to stock up for next game, but off he disappeared into the setting sun, golden locks silhouetted by the oncoming sunrise over Lady Isle to eagerly check his almost as famous box full of singles. DJ did not go on to win the trophy, but his victory is engrained in history and is regularly toasted by Messrs Gardner and Longmuir. Footnote from the man himself - Sadly I went on to lose the final to Drew Howie who lured me into trying to drive with hands in swapped position on the 16th! I couldn't resist the challenge and if I'd pulled it off he would have been a broken man! But better than beating Mossman in that semi was beating big bad mad Stuarty (the ripper offer of SG's blazer arm!) in the semi the following/preceding year (bit foggy there); I sank a 20 footer on the 17th to stay in it and beating him was sweet revenge for all his mental 'capers'. Based on true events.